drunken renesmee
by Xxpink-ninga-princess-xX
Summary: the story we have all wanted. a funny renesmee and edward enjoy i hope you like it. btw this is my first story so hopefully i did not screw it up to badly.


I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING IT ALL BELONGS TO STEPHANIE MYER THIS IS A VERY FUNNY STORY ABOUT WHEN EMMET SPENDS A LITTLE TOO MUCH TIME WITH NESSIE.

Chapter 1

Bonding with uncle Emmet

Nessie's POV

I was so exited to spend the day with uncle Emmet. I loved to talk about things that my parents did not approve of with him. I was also glad that I got a day to be away from my father's annoying mind-reading. "okay Emmet I know what I want to do, but you have to promise not to tell my parents", I said I knew what I wanted to do and I knew my parents would find out some time, but if I did not do it now I would never get the chance. I wanted to get drunk because I have never had the experience before and I wanted to know how it felt. "Emmet let's get high"

"okay,but your parents are going to kill us both so I hope you are prepared" we where at the big house while everyone else was out hunting. I went to the kitchen and pulled out a huge bottle of Jack Daniels while Emmet got the shot glasses. "okay start chugging", said Emmet. We finished the whole bottle in about five minutes time. I was feeling kinda typsy so I knew I was high then I said "i am going to change". I went to my so we call it extra room in the big house and put on a revealing red swimsuit and floaties and tumbled down the stairs and said "help me bitch". Emmet burst out in laughter. And then I heard something that I shouldn't... a door slammed. Oh shit oh shit oh shit that can't be who I think that is.

"renesmee carlie cullen get you but down here this instant", said my father.

'HEY PINK WALRUS WHATS SUNSHINE DOING TODAY",I TRIED TO PRONOUNCE.

"YOU GOT HER DRUNK", THUNDERED DAD.

"GOOD MORNING STARSHINE THE EARTH SAYS HELLO. DON'T YELL AT EARTH BITCH I WILL KICK YOU IN THE BALLS", I SAID

…...

Edward's POV

I couldn't take in what I just heard, did she just say that. I was surpised where did she hear those words. Did she know what balls where , or was she just making this up. She screeched again. "i heard you and mom fuck last night I heard you". Oh my god what am I going to do. Suddenly, I was furious because Emmet was the only one who would tell such things to seven year olds. She ran to the kitchen and got two straws and stuck them in her nose and said "i am a walrus bitch don't be jealous,but If you are I can always chop off your balls."

…...

Chapter two

we all know I am in trouble

Nessie's POV

I woke up in the morning feeling like shit and then suddenly it all came back to me. I would be in so much trouble. And my father would be sure to rip Emmet's head off when he forced me to tell him that Emmet taught me all those disgusting words. And even if my parents did not want me to know, but they did have sex last night and I heard them. I heard someone approaching the door. Well at least I do not have to explain to him what went wrong because he was probably just reading my thoughts now.

"your right", he said as he walked to me. "sorry dad it was my idea, and I thought it would be fun just Emmet and I. And I am sorry I could not control my language I did not know what I was saying."

"your still grounded for I don't know a month. For doing innapROPRIATE things with your uncle."

Like he has not done anything bad ever in his life. When I get older he is going to have to worry about something else other than me

…...

Chapter three

bad swimsuit drama

Edward's POV

I was still disappointed in my daughter for what she did but she was right, I would have to get over it. So I decided to take her to the mall kind of a celebration. But things did not go as planned.

…...

we where walking in the mall to the Radio Shack and I let Renesmee by herself for a while to pick out a CD.

Nessie's POV

…...

I was waking in the music store when I saw three girls looking at me. They where about the same age as me, they where pointing and staring at me. And the tall one said, "look at her she is such a snob, I bet she carries her dad around with her just to get attention."

and then I lost it and said, "look bitches I heard you and I do not want any trouble. The only reason why you are making fun of me is because you all are anarexic little skelatores who are insecure and need to get a life." then I glared at them in pure anger and walked away. They where scared silly and ran out of the music store. Then my father appeared out of no where and said, "you do not need to scare little girls like that and you also need to control your language"

"let's just go to a different store", I sugested. So we went into Abercrombie and I tried on some swimsuits because we where planning to go to an island carlise bought for esme in a month or two. I tried one on that looked amazing and I wanted it so bad, but I knew I would have to argue with my dad to get it. Then he said,

"there is no way you are wearing that."

I quickly thought of an excuse and said,

"no one is going to see it one me"

"i do not care who sees it one you."

"please dad I dout anyone will care accept you and if you don't get it for me than I will tell mom and she will be pissed at you, and will never sleep with you again."

…...

Edward's POV

I considered what she said and I said giving in, "fine but only where no one else can see you"

…...

Chapter three

authars note:,

I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. IF YOU WANT ME TO WRITE A SEQUEL OR DO SOMETHING ELSE FUNNY I WILL. JUST WRITE IN YOUR review and if I like it I will add it to my story. And if you have any other ideas or stories in mind just tell me and it will probably be in my next story also in the review tell me if you want me to write something about edward's bachelor party. Sorry for my spelling this is my first story. I hope you all enjoyed it and I hope to get good reveiws.


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